THE BOY I LOVE

Introverts always tend to thrive in environments where they are alone, you know without the noise of the world. I feel like we say this all the time but nobody ever listens to us. Anyway, I have replayed Boyfriend and not the Justin Beiber version, the Big Time Rush version about 300 million times and it sparked a little memory. Here is the story of a boy I like to call, My Almost Boyfriend. 

Our love story begins like all others, we met on the internet and no, it was not on Tinder or some other weird dating site, it was actually on Instagram. Well I mean I met him on Instagram and for weeks I stalked him and did not like any of his pictures coz you know I was playing a little hard to get. Anyway, he was the complete definition of my tall, dark and handsome which means that he had a nice face, a nice set of teeth and he was generally amazing to look at.  

I swear to God do you ever have one of those daygarsms? Like you rode that day so hard and it just got you there, right in the spot you wanted to be at the exact time you wanted to be there and you didn’t have to fake the excitement of the day coz you really were excited about the journey there? I could use a better comparison but my playlist is currently on Wild Horses and I can’t help but think of jockeys. The people who ride are jockeys yeah?  Ha-ha.

Anyway, the moral of the previous paragraph is that he liked my pictures. We call that insta-rape in stupid people who can’t stay of the internet language. And when I say he liked my pictures, I mean he freakin liked all my photos. Have you ever been so excited that you plan a met, a proposal, a wedding and  three babies? And in a span of like 3 minutes? Before I could even get over how cute Sam, Chris and Ronny (Yes, I have no desire whatsoever to mother girls) he sealed our fate by hitting that follow button. I wanted to go to Mars and say hey to the Queen alien, congratulate her on her 400 new purple babies and then take a little trip around the rings in some planet whose name I can’t remember. I was having one of those: And in that moment Jane new that Raphael was the love of her life moments from Jane the Virgin which I have conveniently not watched, I just heard that line one time. Did I use conveniently right in that sentence? 

Anyway, we spent the next few weeks exchanging those likes and from the way he liked my pictures, I could tell that he knew I knew he knew that we both knew we knew there was something there. Something magical, his like loves even appeared different. The heart would beat a little then give me one of those hey baby winks- you feel? Then one day I was busy minding my business not being where his geo tag had said he was 30 minutes back when he somehow saw me not conveniently sitting directly opposite where he was with his friends. I call it fate- my best friend calls it stalking but I mean, what does she know right? It’s fate. It is. 

So, he walked up to me after a few minutes of me not praying to something that he would and sparked a conversation. We talked about how much I was not looking at his face and picturing him running around with baby Sam who was our first born and wasn’t it just perfect? It was, wasn’t it? I mean you can also see how beautiful of a couple we are right? Him, me, us, together, forever in our little house in the suburbs with our little cats and our little court coz my dad would insist on teaching the boys basketball and our little pool because Chris would be a sucker for the water and Ronny would just be my little perfect boy who likes cooking with mommy. So perfect right? 

Well, wrong. As luck would have it, his girlfriend, that appeared in almost all his photos was a boy.  

I’ve never really been able to get over him majorly because you know, none of this actually ever happened but you know I actually did stalk my way into several lives so… It’s pretty close. 

27 FACTS… 

Hey.

Are bloggers supposed to hey their audiences or is that a thing only vloggers do? I’m not sure if when reading this, you’ll see hey and hey back your screen? Okay, I’m beginning to make this a random piece.

Today, on the 27th of October,  I’ve decided to write 27 facts… about myself. I’m not sure I’ll get to 27 but it’s definitely worth the try yeah?

Here goes nothing…

#1- I’m a Girl

This is probably the most obvious thing about me, I mean I have the headlights and my! do they shine bright and I have the number plate and my! is it a great one!

If you understood that pun, tafadhali ufisi wacha!

#2- I’m a writer 

Well you are reading my blog which means I’m a blogger which means I write because you need to write to have a blog right?

#3- I’m an Introvert 

For those of you who may not know, an introvert is basically a person who— wait did I just forget how to describe my own personality?! I need to google this.

Okay, googled. An introvert is a person who focuses more on internal feelings than on external stimulation! Yes, basically that’s me I’m a feelings kind of girl. I seriously feel too much sometimes!

#4- I’m a foodie

Basically a foodie is a fancy way of me saying, I love to eat too much. I mean everytime I’m idle, busy, sleepy, angry, writing, happy… Well basically always,  I eat. And when I eat, I eat ALOT!

Wait… I’m hungry!

#5- I’m a little weird

I mean who isn’t? I trully believe we all have a weird part to us and those who chose to embrace it probably live the best lives!

Normal is boring. Normal is overrated. Normalcy is not even a thing! I don’t know how to spell normalcy. Is normalcy a word?

#6- I love all things unhealthy!

If I was told to chose a life of fitness and health versus a life of pizza, Neopolitan icecream and Daima Vanilla Flavored yoghurt then I would probably die of obesity!

Seriously, I have a problem, I need help!

#7- I’m lowkey a really great actress 

Have you met those people that were meant to be in the big screens but got born in the wrong continent, wait, no, the wrong country? Yes, yes I’m those people. I’m seriously a great actress it’s not even funny how good I am! In my spare time, I write plays and movies but then I somehow lose them, who is stealing my talent?!

#8- I don’t know why I’m doing this

I feel like I should stop writing this like right now but then I’m watching the voice and somehow Blake Shelton’s face inspires me to write more. Oh dear Mr.Blake, what a nice face you have! … Wait, What?!

#9- I’m a spender

A spender is lowkey a person who hates saving but denies that they have a spending problem.

I’m actually really great at saving, I just haven’t started yet.

#10- I like Mystery

The one thing that draws me to CSI is the air of mystery around it before we find out who killed the vic (Victim). I mean they take you inside the mind of the murderer and how he used this instead of that and why and how the smallest mistake got them caught. I love it!

Speaking of mystery, Discovery IDX is definitely something you want to watch. From finding missing persons to solving murders to having an exclusive of how criminals almost got away with murder the channel is just out of this world fascinating!

#11- I hate tomato sauce

In fancy man language tomato sauce is Ketchup ama there is a difference? Some people I know call it tomato juice. Same difference. It’s red, it’s liquid, it’s viscous ( I hope this means like thick and can’t easily flow. I was dumb at science) and it’s from a tomato or many tomatoes. If I had my way, I’d call it Liquified Tomato.

#12- I’m a phone addict

I’m in love with this guy and I’ve lost him a couple of times, I even sold him once but somehow he keeps coming back to me in different forms, shapes and sizes. He’s got me hooked! It’s crazy!

I have lost close to 5 phones and I think I have used every brand of phone except the Iphone and HTC brands. I’m coming for you!

#13- I once eloped!

At the peak of my adolescence, hope I spelt it right, I ran away from home and since I didn’t have any cash  on me, I sold my phone at Githurai for 400 bob, got on a matatu and went to my grandmother’s place for a week.

I left a note and I didn’t want to go back home because I felt misunderstood and all but looking back now, I entirely blame it all on the hormones. #HormonalTeens

I had to sleep on my grams couch for a week! Isn’t as fancy as it sounds if it sounds fancy at all!

#14- I’m REALLY scared of heights

I’m really freaked out by heights. Simple as that! Weirdly, I want to sky dive one day and probably make it a hobby!

#15- I like travelling

This one is kind of tricky. I have places I want to visit and people I want to see but then my bank account really won’t let me and neither will my parents. Apparently, I just can’t put everything on hold and ask for thousands of shillings to travel the continent. I still don’t get why. #AfricanTourGoals

Something weird about this goal is that the farthest place I have been to is 30 minutes away from Tanzania and that was because my grandfather lived in some place we would wake up and see the Kilimanjaro.

#16- My favorite color is purple

I don’t know why but I like me some purple!

#17- My lucky number is 22

Why? Well, because I was born in the fourth month on the twenty second day.

My favorite cousin who shares my name was also born on the twenty second day of the seventh month.

So, 22 is an Ess number.

#18- I blush alot

I hate this about myself but I’m like #QueenBlush! Like you can tell me I have spinach in my teeth and I will blush- well not really but you get the idea yeah? 

I once had a crush on a boy, let’s call him E and he spoke to me one day and I blushed so hard I turned red! I swear, it actually happened and I’m not making it up.

So believe it.

#19- I’m a romantic by heart

I am one of the few people in my stupid generation that believes in the old fashion kind of love: picnics , flowers, serenades, little notes , chocolates maybe you could even throw in a teddy bear or four?

These days the most romantic thing this idiets we like will do is… I have no idea! Oh, wait, buy you fries at Kach Fries na MilkShake ya 120 hapo nje or if they go all out, buy you 2 guaranas and smokie hapo nje. #TrueStory!

#20- I hate hair

I find hair tiresome and I miss the good old days when all I had to do was take my hair to the Kinyozi for just 100 bob. The only reason I grow my hair is because my mom really likes it and my hair is her #hairgoals and I wouldn’t want to be the trimmer of anyone’s goals. Ha- see what I did there? Trimmer of goals?

#21- I’m probably going to remember more facts after I’m done

The thing with me is- Well I don’t exactly know what the thing with me is, I actually just thought that would be a great start!

Anyway, I’m probably going to remember much more after I’m done. Right now I have to rack my brain but I swear kidogo after pressing that publish button, the flood gates of my facts will open!

I should do a sequel! I will do a sequel!

#22- I have suffered from Inferiority Complex

Once, a long time ago, I suffered from inferiority complex. The meaning is in the name, it’s a kind of thing where you walk around with the notion that everything is better, prettier, more talented, smarter than you. You undermine yourself and hate your whole being.

It took a while to get out of that hole but I’m glad because it taught me first hand the importance of #lovingyourself.

#23- I’m overly emotional

What this means is that I can be an emotional wreck. I hate having my feelings hurt or getting dissapointed. Sometimes I go a little extreme with what I’m feeling and I make very bad decsions and I just have this big regrets when my mind is not as clouded.

While other people live the moment, I prefer to feel it.

#Feelthemoment.

When you feel it, then it gets easier to live it.

Make sense?

#24- I like lipstick

Anytime I have to walk around with no lipstick on, I almost feel naked. It’s a little addiction of mine.

I have full African lips and I like to pamper them.

#25- I started blogging at 17

I’m not even sure but yeah, probably.

#26-I’m a change freak

I do not like things remaining the same. I like change because I have this thing where I easily get bored of things and I just want to change them. I also have a little OCD in me.

I believe I have changed my blogger name a hundred times and they tried telling me not to but all I could think of was, they need to change their minds.

#27- I have mild social anxiety

I’m only beginning to learn how to relate to people and not be so distant from them. I used to dread events and gatherings where people were involved so much so to calm myself down, I would picture the end where everyone just walks away.

My heart always beats a little faster when I’m at places like town and there is such a huge crowd of people. In my head I see everyone of them as a threat and I always try and find the route or side of the road with the least number of people.

I often buy myself half a red velvet cake to calm my nerves and l pretend everyone is as sweet as what I’m eating.

#JunkFreak!

I can’t believe I am done!! It’s finally over and I can sleep now or maybe like 5 hours from now because most nights i suffer from Insomnia which leads to my karaoke late nights, dance offs, movie time, snack time, mosquito kill and count time and stalker time!