MATHREE AND ME 

So, today I was in town and after I finished doing my business I got on the bus to head home. So the woman sited next to me was chatting on her phone and I happened to accidentally look at who she was talking to and the name on the screen made my heart stop! Literally. Well not literally because that would mean I died huh… Though I kind of did die a little I mean how many times can life mock me with this! And oh, if you haven’t realized by now, I’m not telling you what the name on the screen was, that would be total invasion of that sleepy woman’s privacy. 

Anyway, this piece that I am writing sited on my mom’s toilet seat because I just watched half an hour of dead of summer and promised myself never to camp ever again in my life was inspired by the two names on that sleepy woman’s phone.

Okay, the title for the post is Mathree and  Me so what I decided to do was write the types of people boarding a mathree has turned me into. Okay, let’s embarrass me some more.

Nosy Nancy

I don’t usually mean for this to happen. I mean what am I supposed to do when the matatu has been telling us to say Demakufu for twenty minutes  and traffic is slow? This accidentally happens almost all the time when I’m in a mathree (matatu) and someone is busy staring at their phone. I once read a woman’s conversation with a guy who I believe was hitting on her and it made me cry- literally. I shed a tear because of how bad he was at his game and why was she still replying?

Man: Hello ma dear..

Woman: Hi Martin* (Totally made up)

Nosy Nancy: Who says ‘ma’ instead of My anymore??? 

I would tell you the rest of the conversation but it brings up too many painful memories! In a nutshell though from Safari Park to Ruiru Bypass, they talked about how bad the traffic was and how he wishes he was a sweater so that she couldn’t feel cold and how he wishes he was an umbrella…. I can’t even!

Sleepy Susan

Just like every other Kenyan or human that commutes, there is just something about sleeping in the car that is heavenly! I mean one time I slept so hard that the car did two rounds with me in it. Yes people I just said ‘did’ and ‘two rounds’ in the same sentence. Moving on!

Another time I dreamt that I was eating this really great meal that I can’t remember but when I woke up I was drooling (Trust me, I know) and I screamt a little when I saw the jibaba sited next to me. You don’t even want to know the first thought to pop up in my head before it dawned on me that I was in a bus.

Daring Diana

I kind of had to let daring Diana go because I realized she was causing me more harm than good. For instance, I always used to continue texting whenever the car was at Githurai and this is the place where you get and everybody becomes suspicious of everybody. Phones are stacked in the most unnatural places.

But there I was in daring Diana mode happily laughing because Ifella wouldn’t stop talking in French and this pissed off Cheruiyot which pissed off Loopsy which cause Oure and Barongo to also look for their google translate which cause Nelson to write 15 continuous texts which caused Rahma to laugh which in turn caused Rahab to kirimorize  the Fella which caused me to not see the guy take my phone and ran away.

The guy didn’t even care that I had just invested Kshs 400 in a new phone case and that I had just come from a TB interview so I really needed my phone!

*The names of the characters in this section are purely works of fiction. They are fictional journalism students who have a fictional whats-app group so fictionally believe that this part has any  relevance. 

Tropical Truphena

First of all, I tried to think of other names that began with T like Teresa or Terry or Tracy but I couldn’t so I went with Truphena. So, what does tropical Truphena do? Simple. I use an approximate of Kshs 100 to buy Tropical Mint Sweets which I eat as I cruise down the Muthaiga to Town traffic. 

I mean I used to but at the rate at which girls are being drugged by something as simple as a flyer, I don’t think tropical Truphena will be tropicalizing anytime soon. Sob* 

Wavy Winfred

Winfred is a girl’s name right?

Wavy Winfred gets excited at the prospect that she will see other human beings along the way and get a chance to wave at them regardless if whether they wave back. Seeing as to how Wavy Winfred has been here since high school, I’m pretty sure that they always wave and smile back. Sometimes they even blow kisses!

Wavy Winfred is such a doll!

Rich Rebecca

Rich Rebecca comes along when I tell my dad I want to go to town for something that sounds important and he gives me a lot of money. I mean don’t get me wrong, I am grateful because immediately I start to think of all the food and other useless things I can buy but then when you board a mathree at Githu to town, it’s 30 shillings. So, when you give the conductor Kshs 1,000 he has no option but to kick your ass out of the bus! 

Rich Rebecca also pays for Purity’s to and from fare. I hate Rich Rebecca because she quickly turns into Broke Brooke.

Broke Brooke 

Once a friend and I were coming from Juja to see our lovely Kasema. Yes, Kasema is actually a person! After we bid Kasema goodbye and went our way, we realized that we didn’t have enough money to get us home. Now, my friend, Ruth had a 10pm curfew because she had ‘class’ and I had a 4pm curfew because I was 16 and hormonal and I always got home a little close to many hours after my curfew.

Anyway, Broke Brooke and Ruth realized that they had 20 shillings combined for a journey that was supposed to cost them almost three times as much! Luckily Ruth had a good tongue and I had a pretty smile that got us to Kenyatta University (K.U.)

It was around 8pm when we got to K.U and from there to Kahawa Wendani was maybe half an hour’s walk. Then from the stage at Kahawa Wendani to my place was maybe 20 minutes walk. All in all, all I can say is it wasn’t a good night for Broke Brooke or Ruth.

Okay, I’m done. 

Remember, if you don’t share this post with your friends, you are a Mean Mildreda! 

I apologize for any typos, this was so random it hurts and I really won’t edit it coz that would kill the fun of it. 

27 FACTS… 

Hey.

Are bloggers supposed to hey their audiences or is that a thing only vloggers do? I’m not sure if when reading this, you’ll see hey and hey back your screen? Okay, I’m beginning to make this a random piece.

Today, on the 27th of October,  I’ve decided to write 27 facts… about myself. I’m not sure I’ll get to 27 but it’s definitely worth the try yeah?

Here goes nothing…

#1- I’m a Girl

This is probably the most obvious thing about me, I mean I have the headlights and my! do they shine bright and I have the number plate and my! is it a great one!

If you understood that pun, tafadhali ufisi wacha!

#2- I’m a writer 

Well you are reading my blog which means I’m a blogger which means I write because you need to write to have a blog right?

#3- I’m an Introvert 

For those of you who may not know, an introvert is basically a person who— wait did I just forget how to describe my own personality?! I need to google this.

Okay, googled. An introvert is a person who focuses more on internal feelings than on external stimulation! Yes, basically that’s me I’m a feelings kind of girl. I seriously feel too much sometimes!

#4- I’m a foodie

Basically a foodie is a fancy way of me saying, I love to eat too much. I mean everytime I’m idle, busy, sleepy, angry, writing, happy… Well basically always,  I eat. And when I eat, I eat ALOT!

Wait… I’m hungry!

#5- I’m a little weird

I mean who isn’t? I trully believe we all have a weird part to us and those who chose to embrace it probably live the best lives!

Normal is boring. Normal is overrated. Normalcy is not even a thing! I don’t know how to spell normalcy. Is normalcy a word?

#6- I love all things unhealthy!

If I was told to chose a life of fitness and health versus a life of pizza, Neopolitan icecream and Daima Vanilla Flavored yoghurt then I would probably die of obesity!

Seriously, I have a problem, I need help!

#7- I’m lowkey a really great actress 

Have you met those people that were meant to be in the big screens but got born in the wrong continent, wait, no, the wrong country? Yes, yes I’m those people. I’m seriously a great actress it’s not even funny how good I am! In my spare time, I write plays and movies but then I somehow lose them, who is stealing my talent?!

#8- I don’t know why I’m doing this

I feel like I should stop writing this like right now but then I’m watching the voice and somehow Blake Shelton’s face inspires me to write more. Oh dear Mr.Blake, what a nice face you have! … Wait, What?!

#9- I’m a spender

A spender is lowkey a person who hates saving but denies that they have a spending problem.

I’m actually really great at saving, I just haven’t started yet.

#10- I like Mystery

The one thing that draws me to CSI is the air of mystery around it before we find out who killed the vic (Victim). I mean they take you inside the mind of the murderer and how he used this instead of that and why and how the smallest mistake got them caught. I love it!

Speaking of mystery, Discovery IDX is definitely something you want to watch. From finding missing persons to solving murders to having an exclusive of how criminals almost got away with murder the channel is just out of this world fascinating!

#11- I hate tomato sauce

In fancy man language tomato sauce is Ketchup ama there is a difference? Some people I know call it tomato juice. Same difference. It’s red, it’s liquid, it’s viscous ( I hope this means like thick and can’t easily flow. I was dumb at science) and it’s from a tomato or many tomatoes. If I had my way, I’d call it Liquified Tomato.

#12- I’m a phone addict

I’m in love with this guy and I’ve lost him a couple of times, I even sold him once but somehow he keeps coming back to me in different forms, shapes and sizes. He’s got me hooked! It’s crazy!

I have lost close to 5 phones and I think I have used every brand of phone except the Iphone and HTC brands. I’m coming for you!

#13- I once eloped!

At the peak of my adolescence, hope I spelt it right, I ran away from home and since I didn’t have any cash  on me, I sold my phone at Githurai for 400 bob, got on a matatu and went to my grandmother’s place for a week.

I left a note and I didn’t want to go back home because I felt misunderstood and all but looking back now, I entirely blame it all on the hormones. #HormonalTeens

I had to sleep on my grams couch for a week! Isn’t as fancy as it sounds if it sounds fancy at all!

#14- I’m REALLY scared of heights

I’m really freaked out by heights. Simple as that! Weirdly, I want to sky dive one day and probably make it a hobby!

#15- I like travelling

This one is kind of tricky. I have places I want to visit and people I want to see but then my bank account really won’t let me and neither will my parents. Apparently, I just can’t put everything on hold and ask for thousands of shillings to travel the continent. I still don’t get why. #AfricanTourGoals

Something weird about this goal is that the farthest place I have been to is 30 minutes away from Tanzania and that was because my grandfather lived in some place we would wake up and see the Kilimanjaro.

#16- My favorite color is purple

I don’t know why but I like me some purple!

#17- My lucky number is 22

Why? Well, because I was born in the fourth month on the twenty second day.

My favorite cousin who shares my name was also born on the twenty second day of the seventh month.

So, 22 is an Ess number.

#18- I blush alot

I hate this about myself but I’m like #QueenBlush! Like you can tell me I have spinach in my teeth and I will blush- well not really but you get the idea yeah? 

I once had a crush on a boy, let’s call him E and he spoke to me one day and I blushed so hard I turned red! I swear, it actually happened and I’m not making it up.

So believe it.

#19- I’m a romantic by heart

I am one of the few people in my stupid generation that believes in the old fashion kind of love: picnics , flowers, serenades, little notes , chocolates maybe you could even throw in a teddy bear or four?

These days the most romantic thing this idiets we like will do is… I have no idea! Oh, wait, buy you fries at Kach Fries na MilkShake ya 120 hapo nje or if they go all out, buy you 2 guaranas and smokie hapo nje. #TrueStory!

#20- I hate hair

I find hair tiresome and I miss the good old days when all I had to do was take my hair to the Kinyozi for just 100 bob. The only reason I grow my hair is because my mom really likes it and my hair is her #hairgoals and I wouldn’t want to be the trimmer of anyone’s goals. Ha- see what I did there? Trimmer of goals?

#21- I’m probably going to remember more facts after I’m done

The thing with me is- Well I don’t exactly know what the thing with me is, I actually just thought that would be a great start!

Anyway, I’m probably going to remember much more after I’m done. Right now I have to rack my brain but I swear kidogo after pressing that publish button, the flood gates of my facts will open!

I should do a sequel! I will do a sequel!

#22- I have suffered from Inferiority Complex

Once, a long time ago, I suffered from inferiority complex. The meaning is in the name, it’s a kind of thing where you walk around with the notion that everything is better, prettier, more talented, smarter than you. You undermine yourself and hate your whole being.

It took a while to get out of that hole but I’m glad because it taught me first hand the importance of #lovingyourself.

#23- I’m overly emotional

What this means is that I can be an emotional wreck. I hate having my feelings hurt or getting dissapointed. Sometimes I go a little extreme with what I’m feeling and I make very bad decsions and I just have this big regrets when my mind is not as clouded.

While other people live the moment, I prefer to feel it.

#Feelthemoment.

When you feel it, then it gets easier to live it.

Make sense?

#24- I like lipstick

Anytime I have to walk around with no lipstick on, I almost feel naked. It’s a little addiction of mine.

I have full African lips and I like to pamper them.

#25- I started blogging at 17

I’m not even sure but yeah, probably.

#26-I’m a change freak

I do not like things remaining the same. I like change because I have this thing where I easily get bored of things and I just want to change them. I also have a little OCD in me.

I believe I have changed my blogger name a hundred times and they tried telling me not to but all I could think of was, they need to change their minds.

#27- I have mild social anxiety

I’m only beginning to learn how to relate to people and not be so distant from them. I used to dread events and gatherings where people were involved so much so to calm myself down, I would picture the end where everyone just walks away.

My heart always beats a little faster when I’m at places like town and there is such a huge crowd of people. In my head I see everyone of them as a threat and I always try and find the route or side of the road with the least number of people.

I often buy myself half a red velvet cake to calm my nerves and l pretend everyone is as sweet as what I’m eating.

#JunkFreak!

I can’t believe I am done!! It’s finally over and I can sleep now or maybe like 5 hours from now because most nights i suffer from Insomnia which leads to my karaoke late nights, dance offs, movie time, snack time, mosquito kill and count time and stalker time! 


Dear Future Heartbreak

Hi, 

I wonder what you’re doing right about now. Are you somewhere thinking about us and our perfect meeting that will be topped with our perfect smiles as our hearts synchronize into one ? 

Or maybe you are with her on what seems to be the perfect date. Maybe you are holding her hand and thinking that it’s for forever. 

Or maybe you are out with the boys, having a beer or two and talking about Sarah from last night. Maybe the boys will say that she is a fine one and you will agree. Or maybe an image of me will flash in your mind and you will smile and not think about Sarah. 

I have a feeling that you will be my greatest love yet. Not because I will have butterflies in my stomach each time I see you or because you will make my face burn with each look or because each time a pop up will appear, I will pray it’s you. 

I have a feeling you will be my greatest love yet because each time you’ll gently place your lips on mine, the heat you emute will make my heart warm and my knees a little weaker. I have a feeling you will be my greatest love yet because my heart will break each time I will have to endure not seeing anything but sparks of joy in your eyes. I have a feeling you will be my greatest love yet because I know you will complete me and break me at the same time. You will be my life’s greatest irony. 

I have a feeling that you will be my greatest love yet because you will be the fire to my gasoline.

Or maybe you are alone in your room trying to figure what kind of a girl I am? I’m quite simple though I have learnt that society has a way of complicating our souls. 

Or maybe you have seen me already and visualized our whole time together. From the moment we meet to the moment you leave me in tears and a burning heart.

Or maybe you have seen me already and visualized our whole time together only this time, It’s me leaving the knives in your heart and walking away match in hand. 

Whatever you are doing, I pray that when we have that enchanting first meet and that painful last kiss you will be gentle with my heart because I have a feeling, this one will drive us both to the edge. 

Bye. 

THE UNIFIED FIGHT IN PARLIAMENT!

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HE STOLE MY HEART!

 

So, I was on tinder for a while(don’t tell my dad) and I wasn’t really looking for a relationship or anything though I must admit it would have felt amazing to have my cake and eat it at the same time. (No pun intended or maybe just a little). Anyway, I made a profile and everything and I was stuck when it came to updating my bio because I had no idea what I was looking for in a guy. What I was looking for was an experience that would make my blog even bomber (is that a word?) and it’s not like I could just write, ‘On Tinder to basically get dirt and write a bomb piece on my blog.’

THE SWIPES

I have to admit that this was by far my favorite Tinder moment. Swiping left or right, why you ask? Well, naturally I’m the type of people that look at you for 3 hours and in our heads, we are deciding whether we like the way you chew or not also known as Introverts. If we are friends, then rest assured that I once sat in a corner somewhere and watched you closer than the FBI is watching El Chapo. I would have made a lame attempt at a joke because Mexican’s most powerful drug Lord’s name is Chapo but seriously, I like my life.

Anyway, swiping majorly entails you as the tinderer (totally made that up) looking at a profile and deciding if Donald 26 who is 12 kilometers away from you is suitable to sire those 5 kids you’ve always wanted. So, if you swipe right it means you like someone and you would like them to be a candidate for the baby daddy, hubby who calls me 500 times a day contest. If you swipe left then it means that you don’t like Tasha 23 who likes to live it up and doesn’t know the difference between a serving spoon and a spoon. (Wait, what?)

Majorly, why I enjoyed this section so much was because each time I met a new profile, I would spend some time just looking at them and Kira, Boo and Guy( my imaginary friends-featured in my Wattpad book by the way) would tell me what they think. Guy is my imaginary boyfriend who buys me flowers every Tuesday alongside a box of pizza- yes  people my idea of romance entails a lot of food. Anyway, we really enjoyed dissing Noah 25 who was 67 kilometers away because he took a selfie with his mom and dog (Seriously Noah, go out and built an ark or something- leave mom alone!)

THE MATCHES

First came swipes, then came matches. So basically after you swipe right and another guy or girl swipes right then you have a match and you can start grilling them about how functional their nuts are and if their mom would mind a garden wedding on the beach. I matched with a few guys, thankfully in Kenya because God Forbid I fell in love with Pedro Jesus(pronounced as Hesus) 24 who was 90 kilometers away and enjoys punchos and bull fights . Pedro Jesus, is Kakamega low-key your Mehico?

Anyway, I really clicked with two of my matches and I almost forgot that I wasn’t on tinder for love but Carter was really really really good-looking and Noel lives in Runda and is a med student! I mean seriously, who doesn’t want to be asked out by a doctor who lives in the finer parts of Kenya and by a guy who looks like Neopolitan? I was almost in love with Tinder!

THE MOZ!

Only my best friend will ever understand what the Moz is and she knows how badly I wanted the Moz. The Moz is my teenage dream and somehow after promises of meeting the Moz,5 months later, here I am sitting here writing about how I have not met the Moz(seriously P?) Anyway, I found the Moz on Tinder and naturally like I do with most of my life, I sent a screenshot to my bestie because she needed to know the Moz dream was almost becoming a reality. She was more excited than I was because somehow, we planned a wedding in the moon with a reception in Saturn because it has rings(obviously) and a bride price of an all expenses paid trip to see the aliens. (It was perfect).

HE STOLE MY HEART!

It was a gentle Friday night and the earth was moving so well and the air was a little stuffy but still breathable. There I was, sited in perfect weirdness talking to Guy about his jealously issues because of the Moz, I mean I was flattered but it was getting a little out of hand. Then it happened! He stole my heart! I was so preoccupied with Guy that I didn’t even get to savor the moment or watch him as he did it. He stole my heart and ran a thousand miles away. What do I mean?

In simple English, It was Friday night, I was sited in a mat thinking about how late I was for my sisters birthday when this guy, medium height,hoodie and maybe lightskin (for shame) just hopped onto the mat and then snatched my phone and ran away. Away with my dream wedding on the Moon and away with my maybe restaurant date with Noel the med student who lives in Runda and away with my Saturday drinks with Carter ho looked like my favorite ice-cream and away with whatever I fella was talking about on the ‘Fourth Estate Group’. Life is hard for those whose phones get stolen in Githurai.

Anyway, that is about as much fun as I had on Tinder and even though I didn’t expect anyone to steal my heart, the reason I wake up and brush my teeth at am everyday( you know coz of the alarm) they did. They stole my heart so quick, I barely had time to breath or think or say goodbye to the Moz especially.

Do I plan on getting back on Tinder? Haha, I mean next I could meet Micheal Clifford 20, rock star at 5SOS and looking for Esther and boo-ya-aah there I am getting married on E! with Lil Wayne on my back-row guest list. Guy isn’t particularly happy that we are inviting Wayne- hes afraid he’ll pee his pants like the last time we saw Wayne smh!)

Dear Single People who will die alone will 9 cats and a dog name Donald,

Tinder helps you meet the ones who will die alone with 25 cats and three dogs named Brake, Clutch and Two by Two (Ssup Trevoh Noah) then you won’t feel like such a failure!

Have fun.

Love, Introvert.

Happy Tindering!

 

So, the end began!

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I am here to tell you today that the world is coming to an end. Before you give me that look, no, Jesus did not reveal this to me in a prophetic dream where I saw angels coming from heaven in magical light! Why is the world coming to an end? Well, I will give you a few valid, practical reasons.

1.The new gang in town

There is a new gang in town, wait what is the name again? Wakali? I mean gone are the days when gangs needed scary names like’Mungiki’. Now they call themselves wakali and they go around suckling women’s breasts. Really Wakali? You are going to go down in history as the gang that was made up of adolescent, hormonal little things? And when I say little, yes I mean little-little. You dig? I mean is it really that cold in Mombasa? Has the dry spell hit you that hard? Gone are the good old fashion days when gangs would take your possessions and money, now they just want to touch boob. But what is life though?

2.Lukelema for Nyukuri

Nyukuri was a happy lad married to a beautiful wife. In their small village, lived an old  granny that was Nyukuri’s mothers best friend in Kindergarten.One day Nyukuri saw the granny and it was love at first Lukelema. Nyukuri tried so hard to wean of the lukelema but he just couldn’t have enough. The lukelema made him dig sweet old granny-literally. The villagers of Bungoma found out about this abomination that would bring dry-spells and threatened to end Nyukuri’s life us he just kept on going back for more. In the end, Nyukuri who could not understand why he wanted granny’s honeypot so bad decided that enough was enough- he would marry her! And he did! Now the whole village is doomed! Dry spells in July because the gods are not happy!

3.We might get Trumped!

Okay, so it is official that Donald Trump is running for president. Now, I am Kenyan born in Kiambu, so you know whatever happens to America after Obama is gone is none of my business but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to fly there and stalk Chris Brown! I mean Trump listen (He’ll probably never see this, but a girl can try) I have been working on my stalker game for Chris Brown since I was 13 years old. Why you got to Trump me man? What did Kenya ever do to you except be awesome and prettier in ways even Melanie will never understand? If America votes in Trump, lets face it people we are never going to live the American dream but all black people will be deported and who knows Chris Brown may be Kenyan?

4.The Christ-asses

I have been brought up in a very religious home for a major part of my life and I have been taught to respect and fear the good Lord and I do.It breaks my heart each time I see people out here trying to mock our good Lord. I was taught that judgment comes from the good Lord alone but in the name of religion how many hate crimes are committed? In the name of religion, how many people are deceived into planting ‘seeds’ that ultimately see the ‘shepherds’ buy range rovers and move from their one bedrooms to lavish areas that their ‘sheep’ will never graze in? When did people stop believing in God and started believing in religion? God is not a religion and religion is not God. So, no I will not touch my TV screen and send you my money just to get a ‘blessing’. You are getting me broke! We want to lame the devil for so many things that happen but in real sense, the devil is just a gatekeeper to the gates of torment that await you because of the choices that you made. If the bile is anything to go by, the fruit Eve ate ultimately made them aware of what is good and bad. So, no demons did not make those children burn down their school  or Kanyari rob naive, innocent Kenyans, their choices did. Don’t be a Christi-ass!

There you have it folks, because of the Wakali,Lukelema,Trumped, and Christi-ass society we are living in, we will wake up one day and find that Mars has taken over the world!The aliens are getting impatient! Seriously.

 

Originally posted at: april.ureport.co.ke

JUST A TIP OF THE ICEBERG

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It wasn’t until Bruce Jenner now knows as Caitlyn Jenner came out as a transgender that I finally started to try and understand this mind-blowing for lack of a better word, situation. I had heard about Audrey Mbugua before but back then I was too young and extremely naive to comprehend what the situation entailed. Everyone around me condemned Audrey and in my young mind, it was set: It was the devils doing.

However, at 20 years of age now, I am what I like to call, ‘open.’ There is this thrist within me to understand life from a different point of view. To seek answers to questions that not a lot of people want to answer or give a second thought to because of religion, morality and culture. In my quest to find answers to life’s intriguing puzzles, I have come across a great deal of opposition and recently someone told me to stop thinking, ‘The American way’ due to my personal views on life, religion and sexuality.

I did a piece on transgender persons in my personal blog dabbed, “Different strokes for different folks” and the kind of response I got from a majority of people went on to confirm one of my worst fears,close-mindedness. I promised to do more research so that I could educate a various number of people about this forbidden fruit of mine.

So, who is a transgender person? What is sexual identity? What is sexual orientation? What is gender dysphoria?Are people transgender by choice or is it a medical condition? What does transition mean?I hope to be able to answer all this questions from the knowledge I have gathered in my research and also from all those days I sit and watch Caitlyn Jenner’s story.

Firstly, who is a transgender person? A transgender person is one identify to a different sexual identity than the one assigned to them in their birth certificate. Sexual identity refers to the feeling of being either male or female whereas sexual orientation refers to the fact of being heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. Gender dysphoria on the other hand refers to a condition of feeling one’s emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite of one’s biological sex.

What most people do not understand is that transgenderism is not a choice. Nobody wakes up and decided that “Today I want to be a boy.” Transgenderism has been referred to as a medical condion and according to Zhou, Jiang-Ning; Hofman, Michel A.; Gooren, Louis J.G.; Swaab, Dick F. (1995). “A sex difference in the human brain and its relation to transsexuality it is purely physical and of genetic nature. In one area of the brain, male to female transgender have a typically female structure whereas, female to male transgender have a male structure.
An approximate of 41% of transgender people attempt suicide due to their gender dysphoria. The feeling of being one thing and looking like another is more unsettling that it sounds. Alot of them stay in the closet and suffer in silence because of the fear of stigmatization and bullying by society. I find it hard to believe that transgender people want this upon themselves because some of this people started having gender identity crisis from ages as young as 3.

Throughout their lifetimes, they have this need to be free and be themselves, a transgender male will naturally behave like a girl, crave to dress, talk, walk and just be female which subjects them to alot of bullying and the same applies to transgender females. Suicidal thoughts sufface when alot of them do not understand why they look a certain type of way but feel different. To avert their minds from the unending psychological torture, most transgender people will look for distractions that are mostly meant to prove to themselves and society at large that they are ‘manly enough’ or ‘womanly enough’.

Transition refers to the process a trans person goes through so that they can change into the gender identity they feel comfortable in. Transition begins by intake of hormonal therapy to help your body change into the gender you identify with. Hormones if taken in large proportions do not increase the rate of transition, if anything, they slow it down. In addition to this, you are at a risk of developing cancer, having strokes or heart attacks. It is also advisable not to drink, smoke or abuse any drugs during this time, be gentle with your body. Your body is already producing hormones and you are artificially adding more, your body is therefore a sort of pool of hormones. Take care of your body to increase chances of a successful transition.

Surgical reassignment surgery also known as SRS may also be done to fully help one transition into their comfortable identity. One of the most commonly asked questions about trans people is sexual reassignment. Now, here is a bit of how sexual reassignment works:

Male to Female The testicles and most of the penis are removed, the urethra is cut shorter and some of the skin is used to fashion a largely functional vagina with a neoclitoris made to stimulate sensation. Men retain their prostrates.

Female to Male This is a more expensive procedure.The breasts, uterus and ovaries are removed and a neophallus is created from tissue from the forearm and other parts to create sexual sensation. The urethra is extended to allow standing urination.

Though a bit lengthy, I hope I have been able to help you understand even to a small extent, the plight of the transgender people. The stigma and bullying should come to an end. No one wants this upon themselves, no one plans to be born trans and life may be in black and white but little shades of grey and rainbow color is what makes it beautiful!

Originally posted at: april.ureport.co.ke

THE WIFE SWAP

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A man from Uganda and his friend swap wives because apparently both couples were cheating on each other among themselves! Earlier on today I read that a man in Kakamega has also seen it fit to swap his wife with his friend’s because of extra marital affairs.

What flabbergasts me the most is not the cheating but the swapping. It was such an easy world when cheating was rewarded with either a nasty divorce. Unfortunately, the world has become so rotten that instead of giving your cheating spouse a good old fashion divorce, that in Kenya is translated into one spouse moving out at night with their clothes, never going back and eventually getting married to another; we prefer to swap.

Now we are swapping each other. I’m trying to picture how a conversation like that even begins. “Hey, so I noticed you like my wife and I like your wife and we both know what happens in my shed at 3am in the morning every Monday and Wednesday and what happens in your shed on Tuesday and Friday. So, I was thinking, want to swap?” I mean if you are going to cheat, don’t get caught and if you are going to get caught, don’t swap. It is weird and absurd and lain wrong.

Our boyfriends cheat on us all the time and they know we know but I am not swapping one cheater for another. I mean the cycle of teaching is like a HIV virus, it’s vicious and wide spread. I cheat on you with A, A cheats on me with B, B cheats on A with C, C cheats on B with D and so the cycle continues. With this swapping trend, I don’t know if we’ll be going for a merry go round swapping partners with the people we are cheating on them with.

Look, if they cheat, leave , if you can’t leave then stay and console yourself with the fact that you may be the main chick.

I won’t say this is the beginning of the apocalypse, “Shetani halali” but get a life and if you have to cheat on your partner do it silence and peace like most partners do because for this cheating menace, there is no solution.

MONEY TALKS,LIVES GET STALLED

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I recently watched the news and saw a piece about how patients at Kenyatta National Hospital who could not afford to pay hospital bills, were locked up in a room and denied access to medical care. To add insult to injury, the patients were also denied beds under the excuse that they were needed to accommodate the incoming patients. Now, I am not a political critic and in my 20 years of living, I have never really been interested in the political scene. So I will definitely not blame this on ‘the government’ fully. My major query is with the doctors and overall administrators of the hospital. In as much as funds are required to run the hospital like any other enterprise or entity , the last time I checked, Kenyan lives and any other for that matter are priceless.
Living in a society of the have and the have nots, public facilities especially hospitals or dispensaries that offer medical care for ‘free’ or at a reduced price remain to be the only hope for the have nots. The promise for medical care at rates that we can afford is the only thing that we have to cling onto or at least we had. There are uncountable cases of people who have been involved in gruesome accidents or fall ill with terminal diseases that are stuck in their dingy homes with little to no medical help because the promise of medical care that our politicians rant about every now and then especially when elections are nearby, remains to be the Canaan we shall never get to.

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Patriotism is not only characterized by  voting or engaging in non-corrupt activities or being on the forefront to defend your country and serve it, patriotism is also defined by what you do for your fellow mate regardless of their age, gender, background or political affiliation. Love your neighbour as you love yourself and treat them right even when you see black and they see grey. The patients at Kenyatta had been locked up in a room, denied beds and  I have this feeling  ,they are going for days without medical attention.Where they get food or water remains a mystery. 
We are a struggling economy with leaders that would rather put more focus on issues that ensure them of political seats in the next election  and squander more tax payers’ money, than on issues that affect the very people they want to garner votes from. As I said earlier, my major issue is with the doctors and administrators of the hospital. Every licensed doctor takes an oath to do all that they can to assist every patient that they attend to. However, is it only in Kenya where a doctor will go out to the streets and strike leaving countless lives to be lost because their salaries are not paid on time? Who is to blame? Who will go on the street for the have nots?
I mentioned above that Kenyan lives are priceless. In all logic, how does mama mboga earning a gross income of Kshs 2,000 on a good month and taking care of 6 children pay a bed fee of Kshs 50,000? When she is in that room, in an atmosphere that is full of sickness and depression, how does the hospital expect her to come up with the Kshs 50,000? Who is out fending for her children? Is it her ‘chama’ – of course not.You want to know why insecurity and crime rates are on a level high? Well, there you have it. As for my fellow Kenyans, we do not expect to have better leaders who are caring and unselfish if we are already greedy and selfish. Garbage in. Garbage out. For a better Kenya, let us treat each other the way we would want to be treated if the tables were to be turned.  We are not our tribes or religions, we are Kenyan. #KenyansforKenya

FOR MY DADDY

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Moms are the world’s sweethearts. We all love our moms even if we don’t know it. We celebrate our mothers every so often and we would literally do anything for the wonderful women that bring us to the world and would do anything to make sure we stay always loved and  comfortable. In this breathtaking love for our moms, we forget the other half of the equation – our dads.
Fathers are not celebrated that much like moms. Mother’s day is like a worldwide holiday that everybody knows and celebrates. On that day, social media buzzes with pictures of moms,most of which are collaged and messages of love from all corners of the world. It’s always seemed ironic that Father’s day is like Moi’s day to  a lot of people. It’s a holiday yes but most people like me don’t really understand why Moi’s day was ever on the calendar. In this case however, it’s sadly fathers day.

I love my father. He is 48 years,just two years short of half a century, has a tall stature and lightskin complexion – and that’s undeniably awesome. Yes people, my pops is lightskin. I always make sure that whenever I can, I make him know that in my way I do love and appreciate him. I know that I wouldn’t turn out to be this pretty,brainy,happy if he had not played his role in my life the way he did and when he did, which at times included the occasional threatening  ‘kunichapa ngoto’ and the like. I can’t really recall if he ever did but I think I have a dent in my head which must have some origin that I haven’t had a chance to trace it back to.Wait, do we  say in my head or on? I’m not sure. At times,I assume that I fell on my head as a baby which would explain a lot  Haha. I could write a million things that make my dad too awesome but I’ll stick to a few that make him stand out from the rest.

I actually thought that this part would be the easiest to write but it’s proving to be  harder than I thought. There is so much that collectively piece up to make up this amazing man that I can’t quite decide which words are worthy enough to describe him. My father played a major role in who I am today. I remember once he told me that he was the one who taught me how to walk and even now, in my early 20’s I still look up to him to show me the right steps to take. My dad as I like to tell people is a talker. My high school period was when I received a lot of lectures from him. In some way he did prepare me to sit for 3 hours and listen. I remember once, he talked from around 9pm to 1am. I don’t know what my adolescent self had done but that was a long night!One that is etched in my memory and have lived to tell in this post. His words over the years still  prove to be right and worthwhile. At times, he told me what I did not want to hear but I needed to because from the look of things, no one else was going to.

I greatly admire this man because he has raised me up to be more than I can be. To learn how to walk on stormy seas and be strong even when the situation is somewhat unbearable . To be confident. To trust myself. To be self sufficient. To be outspoken and ready to try out new things not afraid of the outcome but with a mindset that’s ready to learn and grow. Watching my dad go after something that he believes in has made me overtime  believe that nothing really is impossible except trying to bang a revolving door.

It doesn’t hurt also that my dad is funny. He actually makes jokes that we can laugh at and that is not an easy task in a house with four women. He has brought us up right and in turn we always try to make him proud and happy because he is a God fearing, awesome and generous young man.I can never tire quoting that he is awesome just so you know. It doesn’t hurt also that my dad always looks like a million dollars and has extremely good genes. I mean at 48 my dad looks younger than most guys in their 30’s. These genes did pass on to us, his three girls because we look as awesome as my dad and yes, I am bragging.

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My dad is a living, breathing success story and when I am fully grown, I do not want to be anything less than my dad. He is my greatest role model and I know that every success story I have been and will be involved in, he will always be right there to cheer me on and make me better. I love you dad!

A lot of dads mess up and leave but for the ones that stay through it all, you are wonderful and appreciated and greatly deeply loved. We are glad that our dads will be here long enough to scare off all the ingenuine guys that want to date us. So appreciate your old man because his shoes can not be worn by anybody else, ever!

Daddy you are great. God bless you!
#Daddy’s Week
#Fathers Day June 19th 2016.
#To all great dads.
#We appreciate you.