THE MERU RAMBO

So I’m sitting over here looking at my phone – then looking at my mom looking at me looking at my phone – then looking at my dad and finally looking at the telly . Anyway, something in today’s news caught my eye. That seems to be happeningย  a lot lately, first the ‘Bungoma James Bond’, then the ‘Resurrected Man’ from the CORD protests and today, the ‘Meru Rambo’. The ‘Meru Rambo’ also known as ‘The King Mswati of Meru’ has 17 wives and counting. Yes, I said counting. Apparently that’s not enough for him. He wants more and more you might think he’s aiming to hit infinity in this lifetime.

I know that the women to men ratio is not at all favorable for us ladies but COME ON who wants to be wife number 53???? Certainly not me, and with the little experience I have had in relationships, man I suck in them. That doesn’t really mean I want to be wife number 30 for someone, I can’t even settle for side chick!! Ladies, on the real, who wants to settle for second best when you can be the best to someone else? I mean with just one chick, guys can barely remember the lies they told yesterday or the name of their girlfriends, so how does a guy remember you wholly when you are his number 17?

Five minutes before watching that, I thought Kenyan women were little territorial freaks and I say that as a compliment. I mean, who wants to even think her guy is entertaining another girl behind her back? I hate sharing attention.If you are lying that you love me, dude, try and lie to only me. Not me and fifteen other skinnier ones. I am trying to picture a scenario where this 17 and counting wives have to sit together and discuss stuff about their husband because hello, women talk – A lot. How does he even put up with 17 crazy people in his house? Sometimes I can barely keep up with myself.

I mean does wife number 16 go like, “Na jana kikakataa kununua oyo.” (Yesterday,he refused to buy Oyo,a cooking spice).Then wife number 2 goes like, ” Hata mimi alinifanya hivo 1837 na Oyo ilikuwa 3 cents pekee.” (He did that to me in 1837 and the Oyo spice was only 3 cents).How absurd if you ask me.

I don’t really believe God gave us all the things we have and by we, I mean women, so that we can be someone’s other wife. I mean at number 15, you are not even his better half – more like his better fifteen over seventeen and counting. If you don’t find someone to marry you, then good for you because… Well I have nothing. Just don’t be anyone’s number 2, maybe your number one didn’t make it out of the swimming pool, we will never know or maybe he is not yet born because I’d rather marry a single 107 year old than a taken 25 year old. I’m just saying.

I’m guessing this is why guys think they can have a sidechick and get away with it because their great uncle Rambo has 16 of those. What do we call them?? Sidewives? Well, I don’t know. And no offence to any of them out there, I’m just thinking out loud! Lastly, I am single and probably will be for the rest of my life because I don’t even want to share my man with his mirror… Well, that’s if I had a man haha, and I do know how to be single but maybe, that doesn’t go for every woman out there.

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I should start a single ladies club just to ensure that young girls like me, that don’t know anything about guys but walk around like they do, know it is okay to be alone. Or just pretend that it is.

Email me for the club info:essymbugua6@gmail.com
#I may be serious.

#ShareWidely.

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One thought on “THE MERU RAMBO

  1. I enjoyed the piece. I understand how mad you are about the Meru Rambo. This for a long time has been the reality of our society where women were treated as property, to some assets and because one had many of them he got the title ‘Chief’, and to others ‘King’…

    Liked by 1 person

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