Well it’s my birthday week yeah! If you can read emotion through words then I bet by now you’ve figured out that I am not as excited as I was two weeks ago about this particular birthday. Two weeks ago, all I could talk about was my birthday week and I had plans ahead. I had everything clearly laid out about how I wanted this week to go and especially the b-day. Then life happened. Well, actually Masinde Muliro’s school closure happened but you know as good students we blame life for all our problems. Had everything gone as planned, I would have been 20 and so happy. My week would have started epic and ended in an even more epic way. I’m not complaining though. Complaining is my forte, I love to complain but at this point, I’m not even complaining. I’m just saying.
It’s already Tuesday and the most fun I’ve had was talking hours on end with Bish – Yeah, that’s her actual name, about things that will probably see me not get into heaven. Right about now, half of you reading this are like ‘aaahhh’ and have already jumped into conclusions quicker than the opposition government every time the ruling government makes a move.’ I don’t know why I used that comparison but haha, it’s kind of funny. Please laugh. It’s my birthday week. Back to what I was saying. Oh yes, heaven. We were having a girl talk and as you all know, those have a lot of gossip about why Khloe and Lamar aren’t back together or when we presume wrinkles will start appearing on our faces or how many minutes it took the boyfriends to text back. Just so you know, mine won.
That was yesterday. Today the most fun I had came from watching a movie about ‘How Satan tricks school girls’. Okay, that wasn’t the exact title. CBS Action channel gave it something creepier but that was the whole idea. I love how people imagine Satan has red eyes, big teeth, an ugly voice and in this case, he was a wolf who ate people. These concept directors should meet up with some Kenyan men who speak the language of ‘Uliza Kiatu ‘and they’ll know how the devil really looks and works. He probably has a Vera Sidika sized number plate and is probably a little ‘lightened’ too. I’m just saying. Respect to all socialites who twerk for more followers and date guys my grandparents knew in kindergarten for impressive IG geo tags. I guess this is how life turns out for you when Kim Kardashian is the first lady to your socialite nation.
I’m turning 20. Most of my friends don’t want to be 20, they just want to remain in the annoying stage in life where tantrums and mood swings are a formal mode of communication and your parents from time to time want to sell you on OLX. I’m glad I’m turning 20 and with all due honesty to the age fairy, (I just made that up) I am too cute for 19. For me life begins at 20. How? I don’t know yet but I have read books and I have internet access. Life begins at 20. My 20’s however, will probably meet me in my spot at the dining table drinking tea and bread with my 9 year old sister and my maybe 5 year old cousin. My 20’s will meet me babysitting my mother’s child and her brother’s child. Don’t get me wrong I love these little people to death but I do feel like the teen mom that can’t go out for prom because she has to breastfeed her twins.
One thing I am happy about though is that my 20’s will find me with a job. No one wants to be jobless and stuck at home with two babies on their grand entrance to another decade phase of their life. So yeei??
Finally I do accept all M-pesa gifts and everything else nice. You’ll find me in my spot at the dining table eating today’s Pizza on Friday wishing Masinde Muliro University wasn’t such a buzz kill.
To help me celebrate, share this piece and my blog link to as many people as you want and if you can M-pesa me, please do.
Dear Future Employer,
I know you loved this piece. There will be no typos because Gabriel will edit it for me just so you know. Also the moral of the story was, I want an office birthday each year. Bills on you. Please put that in my contract. Don’t follow me on Instagram though. See you in 3, 4, 5 years.
Ps. To all the people that have to place me as their display pictures on whatsapp, please put up something from this century and google a nice caption. HBD won’t help me in my spot at the dining table.
To those that will upload my picture to Instagram, May my face be the only one in the picture. It’s my birthday. Not ours. A shout out would be lovely too. Facebook guys can do whatever they want, I’m used to practically everything by now.
Thanks in advance.