UNDER MY BED 

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In the past, she had her fair share of regrets that were a result of ‘the heat of the moment.’  One particular moment still played in her head over and over again. She couldn’t seem to get over it or rid of it. She loathed every second of those five or so minutes. She was horrible. It was horrible.
She couldn’t understand why she did it or how. She was in a somewhat state of trance and it felt like something else was taking control. Something horrible. In moments when she’d hit replay in her head, she wondered if that person back there was really  who she was.

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It was one of those days that were just like any other day in high school. She could never really remember what trigered it. All she  remembers is that the sky seemed darker all of a sudden and the room seemed to come to a standstill. Just her and the poor soul she once called her ‘friend’. After what seemed like an eternity of her screaming her brains out with all sorts of profanities coming out she was quiet. Still. Waiting for the next attack.

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All she saw were tears. For a moment she wanted to feel sorry. To be sorry. But then she didn’t. In a split second she went from being worse to worst. She craved some more tears from this one. Her smile seemed to broaden as more tears flowed.
She wasn’t smiling because her ‘friend’ was crying. No. As insane as it may or may not sound,she was smiling because in her eyes she saw a victory. She had won. What? She didn’t know and she didn’t care. All she knew was that she had won.
She had always felt a certain need to defend herself. She had the habit of looking for enemies where none existed. She was like a wrecking ball. Crashing everything she came into contact with and not feeling the least bit sorry for it.

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After a while though her demons began to haunt her. And that’s when the replay started. It was like they were reminding her that she had just managed to torment someone and crash their soul. She didn’t know what to do to make it go away. She however did manage to find a way to make up for that one incident. She made friends with the monsters under her bed. Call it crazy, she called it a way out.

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It never made anything better but by being haunted by that one mistake,she was sure she wouldn’t make another as bad as that. In a twisted way only she understood, the monsters did help her. So she would keep them. Probably for life 👽.

Essy 💜

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